Livin' On A Prayer
by Isa-Just-Me
Summary: Post-Sacrifice. The angels fell and all hell broke loose. Sam is dying, Abaddon is the new boss and Castiel has fallen. Now human, with no money or way to get to Sam and Dean, the formel angel is willing to do anything, anything at all to fix this.


TITLE: Livin' on a Prayer

RATED: M for containing adult themes.

CHARACTERS: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Castiel, Kevin Trant, Crowley.

WARNINGS: Supernatural does not belong to me, and neither do the characters. They belong to Eric Kripke. This story contains prostitution and drugs use. You've been warned.

SUMMARY: Post-Sacrifice. The angels fell and all hell broke loose. Sam is dying, Abaddon is the new boss and Castiel has fallen. Now human, with no money or way to get to Sam and Dean, the formel angel is willing to do anything, anything at all to fix this.

A/N: This is a little AU because it may not follow season nine's plot. Thank you for reading this! It means a lot! I hope you like it.

-DEAD LINE-

A few years ago, when it was announced in Heaven that he was the one who'd save the Righteous One, he really did not see that he'd end up where he is. It was a simple but a hard job. Drag Dean Winchester's soul from hell back to Earth. At the beginning things were okay, but he knew, from the moment he saw that bright and pure soul in Hell that things would just go downhill from now on. He tried - really hard - not to get close to the humans, to Dean. But when did things ever went according to plan on his experience?

He remember the first time he met Dean. The first time he rebelled. The moment he stopped being a hammer - as Dean would put it - to have emotions. He started feeling happiness, joy, sadness, fear. It is right to say that Sam and Dean taught him how to be human. Not by turning him into one, but simply by making him feel like one and act like one.

He went against his family, he fell, he died multiple times just to support two boys and an old drunk who taught him that family is more important than anything. And that it doesn't end with blood. Yes, it took time, but they eventually built this trust and he was accepted in that small - but big at the same time - family of theirs. Every time they needed, he would be there. And vice versa. But that trust was destroyed after he decided to play God. He regretted - and still does regret - that decision for the rest of his life. He almost lost the only family he truly had in all the years he's been alive - and it was, indeed, a long time. But eventual and thankfully, they accepted him back. They received him with open arms despite all the crap he had put them through. Then, he knew that those two boys - who grew up to be heroes - were, in fact, his family. Yes, he had tons of brothers and sisters in Heaven but like he said before: family doesn't end with blood.

Now, years after that remarkable event, Castiel lies on a not very comfortable bed of a crappy random motel room as another customer - that did not even introduce himself - used him. Used because he gave permission. Used because there are no feelings involved. Used because he was not doing this by choice. All those nights ago, right after the Fall, he was lost. He barely had money for food, how was he supposed to find Sam and Dean? He was lost until he met Lara. She found him wandering on the streets at night, with no ID and only 20 bucks and a few coins on his pocket. She had introduced herself as Laurene but for the close it was Lara.

Larna became a good friend. She gave him shelter and now they share her apartment. He apologized for the inconvenience and thanked her from hell and back but he still needed to find Sam and Dean. According to her, they were in a small town called Perry, Oklahoma. He knew the Man Of Letters bunker was located in Lebanon, Kansas but he needed money for the bus tickets that are way too expensive. He had asked Laurene - no, Lara - what was the quickest way to get money and she had smiled and replied: 'well, with that face and body of yours, I think I just know what'. That was two months ago.

Castiel was pulled out of his thoughts as the man got on the top of him and sucked on his neck as he tried desperately to take both their clothes off. He turned Castiel around and held him down by his legs hands on the dark-haired man's hips. He moaned as he felt the stranger inside him, over and over again. A few hours later, after using him, the man put his clothes on and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket.

"And how much did it cost, angel?" the stranger said, smirking.

"How long did we take? Two hours? I think it will cost $350, big guy."

The man grinned and pulled four notes of a hundred bucks out of his wallet and gave it to Castiel, who put the money on the nearest table.

"Here. My card. If you ever fell lonely again, call me, sugar." Cas said as he gave the man a wink.

"Oh, you bet I will be back." the stranger said as he put the card on his front pocket. He put a hand around Cas' waist and pulled him closer crashing their lips together. Castiel moaned as their tongues fought for dominance. After a few minutes, they pulled apart. "Keep the change, pretty." He said. Castiel opened the door to him and the stranger left.

Castiel grinned and put his cellphone out of his pocket, dialing Lara's number. After a few seconds, she picked up.

"Cassie! How is my favorite boy going?"

"Peachy, but just the usual. Got a new customer and I might have got a 50 dollars chip." Castiel said smiling as he put his favorite red hobby on and lit up a cigarette.

"What?! Shut up!"

"I will not."

"It's not fair! You always get the rich and lovingly ones."

Castiel laughed and replied. "What can I say? I'm way too fucking awesome."

"Urgh. I made you who you are, Castiel. They should give me a prize. I created the best hooker everyone have ever seen."

"Don't worry, I'll make sure to mention your name when I win an oscar." Cas said as he finished the cigarette and threw it on the toilet.

"Shut up! I hate you!" Lara said, not being able to hold back her laugher.

"I know. I love you too. I'll check on you later hon, see you at home tonight."

"Bye, Cas!"

"Bye, darling." Cas said and closed his phone, putting it on the table next to the money. With a sigh, he threw himself into bed. 'Yep. I really didn't see this coming.'

Castiel got up and closed his eyes in pain, hissing. He quickly walked up to his duffel bag and pulled out a bottle with white pills. He took two and swallowed them with the remaining beer left on the now empty bottle, that was standing on the bedside table. He sat on the bed and his muscles relaxed. After the fall, Castiel expected to be a 100% human but losing his grace gave him a few side effects. Well, one horrible side effect. Sometimes, he would have this horrible headache. It felt like his head was going to explode. So he turned to the only option left: drugs. He admitted he got a little addicted to the pills, - that were really expensive by the way, which only made him have to 'work' harder - but at least he wouldn't feel pain.

Castiel got up and sat at the table. He got the journal where he wrote down all the people he slept with and how much did they pay. He wrote down 'stranger' and '$400' next to it. He put the money on his wallet and quickly calculated his savings. Then, he froze. He had gotten $1,500. 'Enough to go visit Sam and Dean...'. He closed the journal quickly and closed his eyes. If he thought of calling them? Of course. But what would he tell them? I'm sorry? That was nor appropriate and nor good enough. It was never gonna be enough. But now he got enough money to reach them in the bunker.

He gathered all his things together and dialed Lara's number, asking her to meet him at the bus station. When Lara got the call she knew what was coming. Her friend was going to leave. He was finally going after his friends. When she got on the bus station, she couldn't hold back the tears as she saw her best friend sitting at a bench with a ticket on his hand and his luggage on the other. Castiel put the luggage down and the tickets on his pocket and hugged his friend tight as she cried.

"Hey..." he said, wiping her tears with his thumbs. "don't cry. I promise I'll call you every day so you know how I am doing and vice versa. I won't be gone forever. I promise I will come back to visit you."

Lara sniffed and wiped her tears. Great. Now her make-up was ruined. "Y-you promise?"

"Yes."

"Pinky promise?"

"Double promise, love." He pulled her into a last hug as his bus honked. He gave her a kiss on the cheek, grabbed his stuff and entered the bus. As the bus left, Lara waved at her friend who waved back. He was making his own path now, and she wished him all the luck in the world.

-DEAD LINE-

He could barely breathe properly as he looked at the door of the Man Of Letters bunker. Would they even want him back? How was Sam? Was he still alive. How was Dean? Still drinking his problems to sleep? He swallowed and knocked on the door, expecting the worse.

Dean woke up just like he's been doing for the past couple of months: tired and apparently with a hangover. He sighed as he threw the covers from himself and got out of bed. Dean turned the lights of his bathroom on and felt nauseous at what he saw on the mirror. He was very pale and the bangs under his eyes were making it look like he got punched twice. He lost some weight too - apparently not eating and only drinking made that to you. For the past two months, he'd been a reck. Taking care of Sam, keeping an eye out for Crowley - who was currently locked up on their dungeon - and Abaddon - who declared herself, after Crowley went missing, as the new queen of Hell. Oh, and there was Cas. Castiel. He didn't call or answered his prayers so he and Sam figured he died at that night. Even though he was mad at Cas at the time, it didn't matter what he did - or didn't do - he missed his angel, and he wanted him back. If he fell, if Metatron killed him, it didn't matter. He was dead and nothing would change that.

He checked on Sam to find his little brother asleep, so he went to the kitchen. He found Kevin eating a few burritos from the day before. Dean was drinking coffee from his favorite mug when he heard a knocking on the door. He sighed and put the mug down on the table. Dean walked up to the door and opened it. What he saw almost made his heart stop.

"C-Cas?!" the former angel's name came more like a whisper out of the hunter's mouth.

"H-Hello Dean." Castiel said on his gravely normal voice. "Look, I know I fucked up and that you might be really pissed at me but I just-" He couldn't finish his sentence as he felt two strong arms pull him into a warm embrace. Dean was hugging him. After everything he did... Dean was giving him a hug. He put his arms around the green-eyed man and hugged him back tight, resting his face on Dean's shoulder.

He could feel tears threatening to fall down his cheeks as he hugged his apparently-not-dead - again - best friend. God, he missed Cas so much. They were family and as he saw on a movie when he was little family means no one gets left behind or forgotten. And this angel was really hard to forget. They tried, but everything would remind him of Cas. All those nights he cried himself to sleep because he had lost his rescuer from perdition. His parter. His best friend. Or maybe more than that, he didn't even know anymore. All he knew is that his angel was back and Dean was not gonna loose him again.

After a few minutes, they pulled apart.

"I missed you so much." said the fallen angel.

"Yeah, I missed you too. Now get in. We gotta talk." Dean said as harshly as possible. Of course, he did miss and love Castiel but that didn't mean they could forget what happened a few months ago.

They got in and Dean locked the door, putting the key back on his pocket. He motioned Cas to sit down on one of the chairs. Kevin had left for his bedroom apparently and they were alone.

"Talk to me." Dean said as he sat down next to Cas. The former angel sighed but started talking. He told Dean everything, apart for few details, like smoking and being a hooker. He really did not want to go through that with Dean right now. He told him about Metatron fooling him and stealing his grace. He told how he ended up in the middle of Oklahoma. And how Laurene had found him and he had been working as a waitress at a restaurant to get the money to come back to them. Dean only nodded and said nothing after Castiel finished his story. After a few minutes of awkward silence Dean finally spoke up.

"You didn't even think about calling us? To tell us, I don't know, how you were alive?! We thought you were dead dammit! We looked everywhere! How could you-" Dean snapped at him angrily as the angel only flinched and looked down.

"I'm s-sorry."

"I'm sorry won't even begin it. Have you got any idea how big is the mess you've made?! I had to worry about taking care of Sam, I had to keep an eye on Crowley so he wouldn't run away, I had to run and hide from Abaddon who is after our asses after Crowley disappeared. The only good thing was knowing that the FBI was collecting the fallen angels and checking them in as missing, so most of them might not be wandering around lost out there. And I still had to live with the fact that-" Dean stopped and inhaled deeply. "that you were dead. And after two months, you just appear at my doorstep saying 'sorry' and hoping I was going to forgive you just like that?!" He said, his voice breaking at the end as he held back tears.

Castiel kept his head down as silent tears ran down his cheeks. He wiped them quickly and let escape a small sob. "I-I... I need to go." He said as he got up and walked towards the door, tears streaming down his face. Dean grabbed his wrist and spun hin around.

"Where do you think you are going?" Dean said as he kept a tight grip on the other man's wrist.

"You are h-hurting me..."

"We are not done here. You are not going anywhere." Dean said coldly. Castiel tried to pulled away but Dean tightened the grip on his wrist and grabbed his left one, and then slammed him against the wall. Cas whimpered and tried to get the hunter of him.

"L-Let me g-go...!"

"No."

"P-please Dean... Let m-me go!"

"Never again." Dean said as he pressed Cas' body to his, their foreheads touching and lips inches apart.

They stood there for what felt like hours, staring at each other's eyes.  
After a few minutes, Dean pulled Castiel into a hug as the other man started to cry harder. Castiel's knees gave out and both of them slid to their knees on the floor, Dean holding Cas tight as he sobbed on his chest. Dean heard a bunch of 'i'm sorry's and 'please forgive me' along with 'Dean', 'Sam', 'brothers' and 'sisters'. They just sat there, Dean listening and holding the broken former angel.

"I-I'm... so s-sorry..."

"Shhhhh... It's okay. You are forgiven. Always and completely forgiven." Cas started crying harder at those words. Dean pulled Cas away from his chest and put his hands on the other man's cheeks, stroking them and wiping the tears with his thumbs. "Shhh, stop crying, now. It's going to be okay..."

When Dean noticed that the other man had stopped shaking, he pulled him off his chest, but still keeping a hold of his arms.

"N-No, it-it's not... I di-did something h-horrible, I-I don't deserve your- your forgiveness..." Cas said, looking up at Dean. Dean cupped Cas' face on his hands.

"Yes, you do. We all do. After everything we've done to this planet, we deserve a little forgiveness. I've made horrible things too. So did Sam. But we forgave each other. Always. Do you know why?"

"W-why?"

"'Cause we are family. And that includes you too, blood or not." Cas smiled and hugged him again. They pulled apart a few seconds later and got up. Cas noticed they were still holding hands but Dean didn't seem to care so he didn't say anything.

"T-thank you."

"You're welcome, Cas." Dean said. "Now let's fetch you a room and put your stuff in there, shall we?"

"I would like that." Cas said and Dean put an arm around his shoulder as they walked to the bedrooms section of the bunker.


End file.
